Brian

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-31T01:57:00

2003-08-31T06:59:37Z

If you've noticed that my name dropped off your friends list, an GabrielKain popped onto your friends list, thats because I'm changing names. Err, journals. I'll tarry around here for a little bit, but if you want to keep up with me, I'll be moving to GabrielKain

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-31T01:06:00

2003-08-31T06:06:53Z

MAREO: rare; uncommon
People of your personality type should visit:
www.life-blood.cjb.net

What would your Japanese name be? (male)
brought to you by Quizilla

Dum dana num num, num num num... (James Bond theme)

2003-08-30T06:35:11Z

I've had the James Bond theme song running through my head all day and I have no idea why.

Some people who know me have reason to question whether joining the army is really the right thing for me. Generally speaking, I'm a peace loving artist type, so why would I want to be a part of the army? Up until fairly recently I didn't have a heartfelt justification. I mean, theres the money and the education, but those are benefits, not reasons.
The reason ocurred to me a few weeks ago when I was at the Schlitterbahn water park.
I was enjoying my day, chillin in the wave river, being lazy and clogging the pool filters with the gobs of sunscreen I need to protect my pasty whiteness. The other poeple there, similarly, are all trying to enjoy thier days. Out of the blue, some asshole starts screaming at a child. I assume this child was his. The child in question was a 3 year old girl (approx). This man was screaming at this little girl and shaking her and slapping her, right in the middle of the lazy river. He continued to do so for a while and dragged the child from the water, at one point throwing her several feet in a shallow area. A three year old child. This child could not have possibly done anything to deserve such treatment. Very likely, she couldn't even understand why this was happening to her. She was being abused by a large man in public.
This sort of thing fuels a rage in my heart unlike any other.
However, in this situation, as much as I desperately wanted to beat this man in retribution, I didn't. Why? Because I didn't want to be sued. If I get a criminal charge I am laible to the justice system of the army. I would very likely forfeit all the benefits and opportunities I may earn in the army by being disalowed to enter. As much as I wanted to destroy that man, I could not be sure I wouldn't be cited for assault. This is a tragedy of our world today. I hate not being able to help. Not being able to defend someone who cannot defend themselves.
Here's the justification part. Picture that this little water park is the world. The earth we live on. The people at the water park are the people of the world. Generally speaking, these people are trying to enjoy themselves, to live peacefully. Then there's this one prick who goes and beats on someone who can't defend themselves. Most of the other people on the world/waterpark, are unable to defend the defenseless. They are afraid, they are unable, they are weak. They need someone to step in. Someone big and strong. The US Army.
I have never been able to be the fist of the righteous. I have always wanted to. I have always felt very strongly about the abuse of the defenseless. Joining the Army, I have the opportunity to take part in that process. My part may be small, it may be but a sand in the hourglass. But when all the sands have done thier work, someone's time is up. Someone like that asshole abusing a little girl in the waterpark. Someone like Saddam.
I'm not going to make a blanket statement and say that our military has only been used to bring good change to the world, for I know it to be untrue. I will however, assert that good things have been done. A man can now walk down the street in Iraq and speak freely without being in danger for his life. Children in that country no longer have to worry about being sent by Saddam by the van full into enemy fire with the intent to make a bad example of the enemy. As long as it takes and as many American soldiers must die, we will help them rebuild. Through the turmoil of the political agendas, the will to do good lies like an artery sending life to the arms that do the work.
Thats my reason. Thats my grain of truth in the sea of complicated specticism on the actions of the armed forces. I will know why I am there.
The other benefits are just that, benefits.

Peace and Love. For everyone.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-24T22:18:00

2003-08-25T03:19:50Z

Rock my s0x0rZ. I got an email I can access from this machine. If you need to email me, send it to, GabrielKain0@Lycos.com (Thats a Zero after the Kain, not an O)
Wootsauce. Now I can hopefully update DeviantArt as well.

No time for love, Doctor Jones...

2003-08-24T05:48:25Z

Oi ve.
This two jobs thing has been brutal. Pulled 40+ hours last week heavy lifting at PETsMART, in addition to about 30 hours delivering papers. A seventy hour work week? Sure, why not.
I did finally get my first paycheck, which was nice. Bought oil for the car, a pair of black pants (the only other pair I had was way faded to gray), and a couple other small items. I think I'll still have enough to make my car payment. Its... too far overdue. But no more. My employment will rectify that situation in as short a time as possible. The Geo is beginning to fall apart. It has been abused and driven far beyond the call of duty or reasonability. Which is a gripe I won't get into, cause who wants to listen to griping? So, I'm going to try to catch up with the mechanical problems my car is facing, though its going to be a daunting task. Bring it on.
Began writing a story again. I don't think this one is actually going to go anywhere. The important thing is that it got me going again. Writing that is. I want to go back and continue with a story I was working at making a novel previously. I think I want to totally rework the dynamics of it though. Make it a much more subtle fantasy. Something more in the style chords of Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere. The subdued but wondrous nature of that storytelling is a combination I really enjoy. Thats where the spare time will be going. What little spare time I have that I'm not sleeping at any rate. I'm hoping to finish it before I leave in January. Assuming all goes as planned I'll be needing an editor or two to proof it for me. Any takers? heh.
Got a ride home from work the other day from one of the girls who works there. I didn't have my car because Contessa was using it. I was about to call for a ride home and the girl from work (Lynnea) offered to give me a ride home. Then in the car she offered dinner. I wasn't hungry so she just dropped me at my place, and gave me her phone number. Not sure what to think of that. Shes a very friendly person, which is nice. I don't have any friends out here yet. I haven't even gone down to 6th street at night yet, and I've been here for a year. Perhaps sometime soon, when I have an evening off. So anyway, I get the impression this girl has a SO. Really even if she doesn't I don't think she's my type. (though she does sing along to Disturbed quite nicely). Like I said, I'd be happy to have a friend at this point.
Nothing else of extreme importance or interest going on in life right now. Most of the time is work, sleep, work, sleep, work, work, work, sleep. I'm trying to figure out a way to visit AZ sometime before I'm off to the Army. Not sure yet how that will work out. I was thinking Halloweenish. Ideally to throw a kickass Halloween party. My options on venues would be very limited, and I don't know what kind of attendance I could really pull at this point. It'd be more than I could get out here, that much is for certain. Might just end up throwing a Halloween shindig out here though. Perhaps largely for Alia and her peeps. Or there may be no party, I'll just dress up and... I dunno, stalk around the neighborhood.
Some changes are so very slow.

An hour until the paper route...

To sleep or not to sleep?

Alright zip it...

2003-08-14T03:27:34Z

Began working at PETsMART. So far so good. Yesterdays truck came in with 15 palettes of dogfood. I had all of them stocked by the time I got done with my shift. I asked the manager how I was doing, and he said "very good", so thats a good sign. (I think they haven't had any decent stockers in a while). I calculated a rough estimate of all the weight I lifted over the course of the day and it comes to 22,500lbs. Of course thats a rough estimate. My back is a little sore today. The truck that comes in tomorrow when morning is all the products other than food, so the weight level should be down considerably. Then Friday morning theres another truck of food. Weeee. :)
Its alright though. It feels good to be working hard. I like really earning my wages. Its fun to outsmart the system sometimes, but what justice lies there?

That is all for now.
~peace.

Took this quiz, no surprise in the result...

You are a Samurai.
You have trained the majority of your life. You are
honerable, you follow your word. You spare no
one once in combat, but that is expected, for
your oponent would do the same to you. You use
a two-handed katana.

What type of Swordsman are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-09T00:49:00

2003-08-09T05:58:58Z

Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I live it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t trust to find the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away and find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-09T00:07:00

2003-08-09T05:18:15Z

One of the good things about doing the paper route I'm working with my mom is that I get to see some of the wildlife around here. I've seen 3 armadillos, a snake, a chipmunk, many many cats, even more deer, a few possums, a couple rabbits, a big fuzzy black caterpiller (big), a baby bird alseep on the asphalt, and several stray dogs. Keeps it interesting.
Also a few days ago the family went out to see the bats. There's a huge bat colony living under a bridge in downtown Austin. At sunrise the bats all fly away into the sky. Its quite a thing to see. I don't know how many bats there are, but I know we stood and watched for a good half an hour as thousands and thousands of bats flew out from under the bridge in a steady stream. It looked like a speeding river of blackness in the sky. After the aforementioned half hour we left because the wind began blowing the smell of guano out from under the bridge. It was less than palatable.
Thats all with the animals.

Except I got the job at Petsmart. I go in to start training on Sunday. :)

Now all I have to worry about is my sleeping schedule.
I feel more like I'm doing what I can to accomplish what I want in life. Maybe now I'll feel better about sitting down and writing or actually putting some time into some artwork.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-08T20:53:00

2003-08-09T01:58:13Z

Think, every morning when the sun peeps through
The dim, leaf-latticed windows of the grove,
How jubilant the happy birds renew
Thier old, melodious madrigals of love!
And when you think of this, remember too
'Tis always morning somewhere, and above
The awakening continents, from shore to shore,
Somewhere the birds are singing evermore.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, from The Birds of Killingworth

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-08T20:32:00

2003-08-09T01:42:11Z

Posted some art on Deviantart in the past few days, but can't post anymore because they've updated the website and are requiring an affirmation of email addresses to access it. I can't get to my email, thus, I can't post anything. Fun, eh?
The stuff I posted was mostly old. Stuff I came across while putting together the project I'm working on right now. I'm building a directory of all of my artwork, scanning pictures that aren't in it, trying to get everything in one place. I'm not done yet and have 800 some odd images. I'm keeping the filesize moderate because the object of this excercise is to be able to create a disc with all my artwork on it. Just for gits and shiggles. So I can see what the grand total is, so I can have it all in one place to access, so I can pass out copies at family reunions (okay, probably not the last one). '
At this point it looks like I'll be able to fit all the artwork and maybe all the photography on a disc. Writing will fit also I think because it doesn't take up hardly any space.

The travesty of self importance.

Or is that just an illusion I have?

gabrielxxx @ 2003-08-06T01:12:00

2003-08-06T06:37:23Z

Funny how quickly the love is redirected

Isn't it?

Not that I should give a rats ass. Or a mouse's ass. Which the snake just ate. Along with the rest of the mouse. My brother Tommy owns a Ball Python named Diablo, which I just fed a mouse to. The mouse was pre-frozen, so there was no struggle. Which is fine by me.

Went and applied at PetsMart, had the interview, took the drug test. Now I just have to wait to hear back from the people there. I feel the interview went well but I don't really know how the other applicants compare so I can't be really certain of my chances. I should know within the next couple of days. It would be incredibly good for me to get this job. If I could clear up some of my finances before even going in to basic I would certainly like to. Or even be able to afford a radiator flush and fill would be super. (thanks for asking...)
And being around animals tends to keep me in a pretty good mood. I have a Doctor Doolitle complex or something. I'm hopeful this will turn out. Crossing the fingers.

My mind is somewhat bored. I've been reading a couple books, but for the most part I don't have a lot of stimulation. At least little to no social stimulation. Seems sad that its been 7 months or so since I've been eye to eye with a friend, or been out socially. Which leads me also to the loneliness I complain about. The touch and taste and scents etc, the companionship, the closeness, the body warmth. I am at a loss. I feed on intimacy and am starving. I feel wasted away like burnt and dried out orange withering in the unhalting winds of a vast and empty desert.

We reap what we sow, after it is tossed in the violent waves of chance of course.

Why am I bitter about her when I dream solely of another? I think because its not personal chagrin but a general want of something, anything.
Some love, some touch, someone to smile with...

There is nothing.

And now if I try to find someone I will set myself up for destruction as I am leaving in January for a 6 year deployment.

I feel like I have spent enough time alone to last me three lifetimes.
Enough of my whining though.

Think I'll write more later, hopefully be in a less self important mood then.
~peace.

Holy guano Batman!

2003-08-04T12:27:05Z

Another update is due and I've gotten back online at last. A series of inconsequential events has delayed such action, but lets not clutter our minds with that.

Went and took the physical at MEPS in San Antonio, passed.
Enlisted in the army.
Going to be leaving for basic January 8th.
The mos I've signed up for is AH-64 Attack Helicopter Repair. (Apache)
The enlistment is for 6 years plus 2 years of reserve duty.

I think that pretty much covers the basics. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

So, what to do with the time I have until I ship out? I've been doing a paper route with my mom in the mornings. Its a fairly small route, 200 papers. Looking into a part time job at Petsmart, though it didn't sound like much of a sure thing. Have to go in and watch a video to see if I'm interested and continue from there.

Have to find some way to pay for these hospital bills.

A note to anyone who doesn't know this, if you don't have insurance, don't go to the emergency room unless you absolutely have to.
Lets put it this way, two minutes of the doctor's time and I'm looking at $500 in bills, and that doesn't even include the cost of medication.

For the moment that is all. Tired from being up all night. Time for sleep.
More later.

~peace

gabrielxxx @ 2003-07-18T22:43:00

2003-07-19T03:45:19Z

Began reading backwards. Got to July 17th and something about reading all of this is making me ill, so I'm outtie until whenever I next get a chance at the net.

Love and peace.
~Drake.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-07-18T21:24:00

2003-07-19T02:43:06Z

I return.

Not really, I'm using my mom's work laptop to update. I've been without internet access for over a month now. Its been driving me batty, but there's not much I can do about it.

Updates on my life;
I didn't get to go to the Anime Expo because I couldn't afford it. Being the first year I've missed in 8 years, I'm not happy about it. In fact it depressed me quite a bit. Its past and there's nothing to be done about it, but its still a sore spot for me.
The family moved. A freeway exit down into a nice double-wide. As nice as a double-wide could be I suppose.
I'm enlisting in the army. I'm partway through the process right now. I took the asvabs, scored a 99 (the highest attainable score), and am going to do the physical exams this coming tuesday in San Antonio. Given that I pass through the that alright, I'll be good to go. I'll go to basic within a couple of months, depending on when the job training for the job I choose is available. I don't know what I'm going to choose yet but based on my asvab score I've got pretty much free range of the options. In order to be in shape well enough to pass the physical, the recruiter has been kicking my ass for the past week. I've lost 14 pounds, eating 16 saltines a day, stuff like that. Its not fun, but as soon as I make it through basic it should be smooth sailing more or less. I'll be going in a rank higher than others because I'm an Eagle Scout, hooray for payscale bonus. Pay starts as soon as I start basic, so those awaiting payment on debt from me will begin receiving it thereafter.
This evening I'm trying to fill out the information forms. I need to contact some people, but my means are limited. My apologies if anyone gets a late phonecall tonight.
Need to rearrange my belongings before I go off to basic. Pack it all up well. Most of its currently packed, but I want to go through it again to reduce the amount of stuff I own. Its a perpetual process.
Anything else interesting going on in life...
Not really. I've been spending most of my time alone. Without the net I've been cut off from most of my communications.

Oh, if you want to get a message to me you'll have to post it here on my journal because I can't get to my email. Yahoo is blocked on this computer. Wootsauce. I've been trying to arrange to get to the Austin Public Library, thinking they may have net access, but thus far haven't gotten it together. Don't have a car to drive at the moment because we couldn't afford the insurance on mine this month.

The excitement never stops.

Been drawing some, may post later if I can get onto DevArt from this machine. Haven't been there to check my comments in a month either.

For now that is all. I'll probably think of stuff to write about later and update some more.

(and catching up on my friends pages is going to be oodles of fun ;)

~peace out

gabrielxxx @ 2003-06-10T15:23:00

2003-06-10T20:24:01Z

A recent photograph.
Here.
The camera quality is really low but its still a nice image I think.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-06-08T10:34:00

2003-06-08T15:44:57Z

So, over time I have been occasionally making these cds I call "Burn Out". They're an opportunity to put a little sample of the stuff I download onto an audio format disc. More or less these discs end up being experiments in ecclecticism. My tastes are extremely varied and.. probably odd, but I don't have any issues with that.
Anyway, this morning I threw together a new one of said burn out discs. Figured I'd post the song list just for gits and shiggles.

Burn Out 5
01. Daft Punk - The Funk
02. Aimee Mann - Lost in Space
03. Bustah Rhymes - WooHah!
04. Baxter - Love Again
05. Buddy Guy - I Smell Trouble
06. Custom - Hey Mister
07. Lovage - To Catch a Theif
08. G Love & Special Sauce - Milk & Cereal
09. House of Pain - I'm a Swing it
10. God Lives Underwater - All Wrong (acoustic)
11. Led Zeppelin - The Lemon Song
12. Nas - I Can
13. Prefuse 73 - Point to B
14. Sublime - Same in the End
15. Sugarcult - Pretty Girl
16. Wierd Al Yankovich - Couch Potato
17. The Fifth Element Sndtrk - Aknot! Wot?
18. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Sndtrk - Pure Imagination

There it be.
In all its eccentricity and ecclecticism.
That is all.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-06-08T08:41:00

2003-06-08T13:44:44Z

Oi.

Days are passing me by without my permission and nights are holding me hostage in a wakeful lull.

Gotta figure out how to turn my schedule back around. Probably stay awake all day long today. Expect wierd art and nonsense if you happen to speak to me...

Or maybe I'll sleep. The rest of the day. And night.
(not likely)

This is too disjointed to continue.
~peace.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-06-05T22:46:00

2003-06-06T03:54:16Z

So, my birthday is coming up...
If you're still looking for a gift I've got some hints..
1. A camera
2. A computer
3. World Peace.
4. Money.
5. A "Hi, how are you?"
Umm..
6. An oil change for my car.
heh.

But really, I don't expect to receive anything. I'll mostly just be trying to have a good day.
Really much like any other day.

Nothing else on my mind to type right now.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-06-03T01:14:00

2003-06-03T06:41:04Z

We are the music makers
and we are the dreamers of dreams

So I was kicking myself most of the afternoon yesterday. Not literally. Mentally.
On Saturday the family took a trip down to San Antonio and visited the zoo. We got there at a resonable time of the morning so it wasn't rediculously hot out yet. That condition got worse as the day wore on, but it was alright. Wore sunscreen so no burns. Several of the animals were in hiding due to the heat. The tour was for the most part uneventful. Except the part I was kicking myself about.
(I preface this by explaining that I have been heavily lamenting my lack of real world interaction with females for several months now)
I was standing looking at some large birds in a cage (duh, where else?). They were particularly homely birds at that. I was standing there because the res of the family had stopped a little ways back, so I was waiting. Anyway, as I was standing there a girl came up to me and said, "Thats a great shirt, where'd you get it?" She was about 5'4"-ish, long dark hair, hispanic, great figure, on the whole attractive.
I replied, "I don't know, I got it for Christmas."
She said, "Thats an awesome movie."
To which I replied, "Yeah, its great isn't it?"
She said, "I've got two copies, got it on dvd."
I said, "I want to get it on dvd."
If there was any conversation beyond that it was very small and inconsequential. I stood there and couldn't think of anything to say. Couldn't find that shred of conversation to spur further interaction. I looked at the birds. Then I glanced at her, and looked back at the birds. Glanced at her. Looked back at the birds. She stood there for a little while, entirely uninterested in the birds. She looked at me. I said nothing. After a few minutes she wandered away. (here's where I started kicking myself). I walked past her a couple of times as the family moved on, and each time there was eye contact and smiles on both sides. I couldn't get up the nerve to go talk to her though. Damn shyness.
So, yeah, I was kicking myself for a while. I'll never see her again, and when its all said ans done it doesn't really matter. I just could've had a friend there. Sometimes I frustrate myself with the "coulda woulda shoulda's".

"Ah well, best not to think too deeply on this one, right?"

Other than that incident life has been the same as usual generally. Went to pizza place yesterday and won a teddy bear out of the claw machine. Gave it to my mom.
My brother got a job and I might go see if they're hiring more people. Selling vacuum cleaners. woot.

The medication is kicking in and I am becoming very sleepy... sleepy... sleepy
(poppies poppies poppies!)

Is it raining? Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing,
So the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes, the danger must be growing,
For the rowers keep on rowing,
And they're certainly not showing,
Any signs that they are slowing!

gabrielxxx @ 2003-05-30T03:49:00

2003-05-30T08:49:31Z

Took Joe's Quiz of Doom...

You're nearly as crazy as I am! GO YOU!!! We
should go out sometime and get a burrito!

Joe's Blah Quiz of Doom!
brought to you by Quizilla

gabrielxxx @ 2003-05-30T03:24:00

2003-05-30T08:35:01Z

Lets see here, what are some of the other things that have been going on lately?

I went to the beach with the family last weekend. Its a 4(ish) hour drive from here to the Gulf. The beach we went to was near Padre Island. We had the same camping spot as the last time we went. This time we were all better prepared though. We brough dry firewood and food supplies and we all wore plenty of sunblock. The only sunburn I got was on the top of my head, silly me didn't rub sunscreen into my hair.
It was an alright trip. Nice change of scenery.
Did I mention I drove the suburban all the way down there and back? That was an adventure in and of itself. I had to re-aquaint myself with 1)Power Steering and 2)Driving a large vehicle. After nearly making the passengers in the car ill with my re-learning of steering, I got hold of the process and it was smooth sailing. (well, smooth driving).
May be posting some pictures from the beach. Need to get a host.

Saw a low-end FDMavica at Wal-Mart for $250. Want it.
They have a better CDMavica for $450. Want it more.
(distant goals, but something to work after).

I began playing Final Fantasy 1 on the FFOrigins disk for Ps1. I've got 24 hours into the game now (give or take a little). I don't know how long the game is supposed to take, so it may be humorous that I've put that much time in. I'm clueless.
I did run into Bahamut. Heh.
Dragon king of Great Justice!
KTHX

Working on a couple really in-depth photoshop images that are swallowing large chunks of my creative energy (this is a good thing). Hopefully I'll be finished with one or two of them soon.

I think thats about all I can think of right now thats remotely worth updating about... some of it probably not worth it, but hey, its my damn journal. Bwaha... nevermind.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-05-28T00:14:00

2003-05-28T05:16:37Z

And if you're into that sort of thing there's new artwork up;
here
and
here

There are other recent posts as well, but many of them are old artwork just neing posted for posterity (for lack of a better word).

Reality can just blow me.

2003-05-28T05:10:46Z

As I was walking up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish I wish he'd go away...

A return to LJ land. Wee.
Life has been pretty much its normal derrogatory self. The job hunt has yeilded nothing. Odd how we expect things we do to change our lives, but we're still on the couch hunting for crap work. Its not a good situation. I don't wanna talk about it.
Because complaining will get me nowhere.

Had a dream the other night. Something such as this:
I was walking across a parking lot with Krista. We were walking towards my car. As we were walking we passed a group of three or four girls. One of them caught my eye and we made eye contact. I kept walking and glancing back and she was still looking. Krista and I got to my car and she got in. I stayed outside. The girl I had been sharing looks with walked over to where I was. She was a little shorter than me. She had very curly light brown hair that went to about mid-neck and frizzed outwards some. She had a clear complexion, light skin, brown eyes, and red lipstick. She walked up to me and we both said hi. I reached up and touched her cheek with the back of my hand gently. Then I said, "Come over here so we can talk." She smiled and we walked a few parking spaces over to another Geo Metro just like mine. We got in and I said, "I've got two cars."
To which she replied, "Thats okay, I've got two boyfriends."
I said, "Thats okay." There was some small talk and a lot of eye contact and I touched her skin gently a couple times. Then I asked, "Would your boyfriends mind if I called you sometime?"
She said, "Sure, you can call me." or something to that effect. I began looking around the car for something to write her phone number on. She found something before I did and jotted down her number. She handed it to me and smiled again. She was beautiful. I wanted to kiss her, but instead I just brushed my hand against her cheek gently. Then we got out of the car. She went back to her friends and I went back to the car Krista was in. She didn't say anything to me. We didn't drive off. Instead I watched the brown haired girl's friends. They seemed a little flustered and after a few minutes the whole group of them came walking over to my car. I rolled my window down to see what they wanted. The foremost one was holding out a card the size of a business card. She said, "You can't call her." very matter-of-factly and showed me the card. The card said something at the top about the number of negative traits allowed. Under that was a small list of things, a few of which were underlined. Overweight. Artist. Unemployed. Or something to that effect. On the other side of the card there were positive traits. After looking breifly at those I gave the card back to the girls.
Thats where I woke up.

I don't think any of it has meaning. I know its the first dream that I've been able to remember in quite a while. Its also the first actual entry into a dream journal that I got a few years ago.

Que sera sera

gabrielxxx @ 2003-05-11T16:30:00

2003-05-11T21:34:51Z

No doubt most know this song by heart already...

Somewhere I belong - Linkin Park

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I'd let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
When all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to loose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till its gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didnt fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everwhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
Cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to loose
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain til its gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something Ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything
till I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till it's gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something Ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

Somewhere I belong

So yeah.
Feeling it strong at the moment.

gabrielxxx @ 2003-05-07T14:09:00

2003-05-07T19:10:04Z

Dance to the beat of a different drummer.